


The Boggart

by LumosLyra



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boggarts, Hermione's Nook's Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Masturbation, Memory Charms, Public Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23405602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LumosLyra/pseuds/LumosLyra
Summary: Peeves catches Gilderoy in an alcove when all Gilderoy wants to do is wank to the vision of Emmeline Vance's perfect tits.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 25
Collections: Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest





	The Boggart

He drew his hand over his rigid length, fingers pressing into the sensitive flesh as he leaned against the partially hidden alcove on the fifth floor behind the portrait of Glissenda the Troll. Gods it felt so fucking good. Gilderoy knew anyone could come across him at any moment and it only added to the thrill as he drug his fingers down his turgid shaft. A pearlescent bead was pulled from his cock as he rocked into his hand, moving his hips and grunting, imagining the alabaster skin of Emmeline Vance’s perfect tits. 

It wasn’t the first time he’d wanked to the fuzzy memory of those lovely mounds after their altogether too short romp in a broom cupboard during his sixth year. They’d imbibed too much firewhiskey which made her too loose and him too fast. It was something she pretended never happened and something he fantasized about with a wonderfully fuzzy clarity.

He was so fucking close as he imagined his tongue sliding over the rosy peaks of one nipple, sucking it into his mouth and sinking his teeth in to pull a whimper from her throat. Just one or two more strokes and he - 

“ _ It’s ickle Lovely Locks and his teeny weeny ickle cock...-a-doodle-doo!”  _ Peeves cackled, rounding the corner causing Gilderoy to quickly shove his cock into his trousers. He’d fancied getting caught by a pretty prefect, not a fucking poltergeist who didn't know how to mind his own business. He'd been dealing with the menace since he was a first year and had managed to set his own trousers on fire while practicing the aguamenti charm. 

“Buzz off, Peeves!” he shouted, zipping the fly up and nearly catching the velvety skin with a relieved grimace. Gilderoy’s body felt flushed and god he was still so fucking hard even with the little floating menace nearby. 

“ _ Not a chance, dicky-doo… Peevsie caught you! _ ” the poltergeist howled as he flew around Gilderoy in a swirl of color, his orange bow-tie spinning round and round as the little man flailed and cackled. 

“Shut up, you idiot!” Gilderoy growled, grabbing his satchel from the alcove and slinging it over his shoulder. He started to storm down the corridor, filled with rage that his private semi-public wank had been interrupted by the most annoying spectral being known to man. 

With another giggle, Peeves took off after Giledroy, hovering behind him, chanting rhyme after rhyme behind him until he finally made it past the door and into Ravenclaw tower. Gilderoy sunk into his bed but couldn’t sleep without hearing Peeve’s mocking voice thrumming through his mind. 

When he entered the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning, a hundred eyes from around the room turned and looked at him. There were big grins of some of their faces, others covered their mouths with their hands as they spoke in hushed whispers to their table mates, while others pointed and outright laughed. 

In the corner of the room, there floated Peeves, holding a baguette and stroking it with his fist. Professor Dumbledore and several of the other professors were gathered around him, speaking in loud, angry voices about the poltergeist’s conduct. 

It seemed to do nothing to sway him, even when they threatened to get the Bloody Baron if he didn’t put the baguette down and behave. 

_ “Lockhart cranks, Lockhart yanks, Lockhart hides in alcoves and wanks! Lockhart slums with his thumb, but teeny Lockhart doesn’t come!”  _

Gilderoy turned on his heel and fled to the library, stomach growling with hunger and determined to find the spell to remove memories from any living being. If there was one way he’d spend the remainder of his time at Hogwarts, it would be to rid that awful pest of the memory of finding him wanking in the alcove. 

It took him until the very end of his seventh year to become adept enough at the memory spell to effectively obliviate the poltergeist and by that time, his reputation was utterly shredded. Any minuscule chance he had of seeing Emmeline’s tits again went out the window as soon as Peeves showed up cackling behind him and making up ridiculous rhymes about him wanking. 

Years later, when he taught at Hogwarts for one single, solitary year, Gilderoy had to call on another professor to aid him in the removal of a boggart who had taken up residence in a cupboard in his office.

Because all he could see when it transformed was the sight of his cock in his hand and Peeves’ voice cackling around him, “ _ It’s ickle Lovely Locks and his teeny tiny cock...-a-doodle-doo!” _


End file.
